Morning Page 090721

I am sick of feeling this way, but more than that, I am sick of feeling like I am the only person who cares ...

I get told that my feelings matter to other people, but what they say and how they act do not tell the same story.

If I just go by how they act, no one gives a fuck about me. I get the impression I am the only one who even thinks I have feelings, and I might well be crazy: so are my feelings even real? Judging by other people, they are not. If only I perceive something that the rest of the world does not, that is insane.

I have to fight this madness of believing I have valid feelings, like real people have. I am not a real person and I have to accept that. But I am so scared to let go of the insanity and only be a thing whose purpose is to support the real people around me.